P.S. I Hate You! –

Amanda Mueller

P.S. I Hate You! –

I keep hours not traditional to those of most in the United States, staying within the same operational hours as those in Palestine that I work with, interview and whose stories I report. I like this, the quiet that enters my home when I wake up at 3:00 AM.

Today I received a very disturbing e-mail in regards to the human rights award that SIANS has just announced they were awarding to me. I am sure you can understand how difficult it can sometimes be reporting on topics not necessarily in agreement with public opinion, much less the opinion of our foreign-policy decision makers. Being given this award meant that my long hours and my outrage was making a difference somewhere – enough for people to notice – and share with other individuals the stories of the Palestinian people I tell, those with no voice – those atempted to be silenced in the media.

Then I received an e-mail today that contained a hateful message and a personal attack because of my belief in non-violence and the movement that Palestinian individuals have practices in so many ways since 1902.

The e-mail read:

Do you really think you are more deserving than, for example, Rachel Corrie? Do you know why Rachel is unworthy of any such award?

If I understand well, you feel quite happy and satisfied with the murder of millions while you continue your useless campaign “supporting and maintaining a commitment to non-violent resistance”!

Rachel Corrie was a volunteer with ISM (International Solidarity Movement) who promotes non violence. Their website states: “The International Solidarity Movement (ISM) is a Palestinian-led movement committed to resisting the Israeli occupation of Palestinian land using nonviolent, direct-action methods and principles. Founded by a small group of activists in August, 2001, ISM aims to support and strengthen the Palestinian popular resistance by providing the Palestinian people with two resources, international protection and a voice with which to nonviolently resist an overwhelming military occupation force.”

Rachel Corrie was senselessly murdered while practicing non-violence while standing in front of a home to be bulldozed. Her very act is the DEFINITION of non-violence.

That isn’t what disturbs me the most about the e-mail. It is the assumption that I feel quite happy and satisifed with the deaths that have taken place in the area.

I do not know how to react to this, quite honestly. When I first read it, I cried – knowing the work that I do that simply cannot be contained in a press release for a human rights award. Nor do I act as a braggard in my many job functions as that makes my work about me and it isn’t, it is about the violations of human rights of those stuck under an assertive occupation and bringing awareness to THEIR stories, not mine.

To say that I am happy and satisfied with the millions of deaths is perhaps the ugliest thing ever said to me, and as a reporter of Palestinian issues, I have had my share of ugly things said to me.

The e-mail has left me rather sad.

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