My Hajj Experience

By Nahida Exiled Palestinian

Humbled by the sheer number of people, their dedication, sincerity, and longing, enriched by the rainbow of eager fervent faces celebrating humanity’s full spectrum, empowered by an invisible bond of spiritual brotherhood, love, and togetherness; what a scene!
 All in a state of total devotion, adoration and gratitude to the One Most Loving Creator. 
Stunned, I froze.
Everything else froze with me. 

  I wanted to capture every face, happy or sad, to save every smile or frown. I wanted to hold every heart with all its joys and sorrows, to wrap it up warm and hide it deep in mine. I wanted to whisper to every soul therein “humanity, I love you”.

Feelings! What can I say about feelings in such a time and a place? Fondness with absolute submission, elation with total humility, euphoria with utter serenity, weakness with boundless vigour, despair with endless hope, yearning with eternal contentment;  permanently travelling constantly arriving.
 Pilgrims floating in their own orbits in a peaceful august harmony, chanting their prayers, whispers of unspoken words, songs of silent sighs, transforming the ambience into one of stillness and tranquillity.

 Numinous music resonates charging the atmosphere, transcends into a realm of magnificent existence, hypnotizing you into a gentle unfathomable daze. 

Submerged in an ocean of calm and tranquility, yet engulfed with joy and overwhelmed with uncontrollable desire to bounce, spin and fly, waves of ecstasy ran through my astounded being. Am I in Heaven!

 The humble prayers and profound appreciation of millions hearts of devotees resonated as a mesmerizing melody “labbaika’allahumma labbaik… labbaika la shareeka laka labbaik”. 

The eager soulful chants ascended the Mount of Mercy in a dazzling display of grace and purity echoing its nobility and sincerity at every level of existence; celestial and subatomic, known or unknown
On the Mount of Mercy Divine Mercy cascaded around; 
In a sublime embrace Divine Mercy showered all.
 Swathed with love, held with tenderness, enchanted with splendour the entire universe spiraled upwards.

Before my very own eyes lines were erased and boundaries faded away. 

The bond gets stronger and stronger as you start blending into the background of a magnificent masterpiece, diminishing into nothingness. You experience being one with the whole there is. You are an atom spinning passionately with the totality of the universe. The macro, the micro and all in between are in a state of unanimity as never sensed before, with such depth, scale or intensity. Mind dazzling, heart rendering and awe inspiring experience. 
Engulfed in mystical mist of love and grace, and like all those around me I could find nothing but tears streaming down to tell of my joy. 
Time lapsed, motion relapsed and all anguish collapsed as I stood there; drinking ecstasy and tasting infinity.
Deluded
I thought I could sing before
Why can’t I hear my voice today?

I thought I could tell tales and write stories
Where are my words now?
Why can’t I find them?
To tell of how I felt and what I saw
I thought I could wave words and carve meanings

Like a dough, with ease

To speak of I want and plait my poetry

 I thought I was articulate before
 How wrong I was!

Melting like a July snowman
A flock of dears – foreseeing an earthquake- running away
Dry autumn leaves
Scattered in a stormy day
My words are gone!
How can I construct sentences when my dictionary is blank?
How can I?
Ashamed of their flaws
Fearful of their impotence
All escaped
Words are no more
For how could they describe the indescribable?
How could the finite define the infinite?
Motion falls into stillness
Space fades into nothingness
Sound faints into silence
Time ceases to be
In the presence of the Most Sublime

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