American dopers.

So, someone hacked WADA (World Anti-Doping Agency). As expected, the Russians are blamed. But that’s not the issue. Just like the DNC hacks, the issue isn’t who did the hack; the issue is the content of the leaks. In a nutshell, America’s greatest and bestest athletes have been doping for years. Big surprise. But they’ve been doping legally. Yep, you heard that right. They got a doctor’s note that says they can dope. That’s probably all our regular readers need to know in order to grok the heart of the matter, but for new and casual readers, we’ll expand a bit.

Self-described “international hack team” ‘Fancy Bear’ says they stand for fair play and clean sport. On their website, they state:

We announce the start of #OpOlympics. We are going to tell you how Olympic medals are won. We hacked World Anti-Doping Agency databases and we were shocked with what we saw.

We will start with the U.S. team which has disgraced its name by tainted victories. We will also disclose exclusive information about other national Olympic teams later. Wait for sensational proof of famous athletes taking doping substances any time soon.

Their first hack revealed that American athletes like Simone Biles, Serena and Venus Williams all took banned substances for years. But The U.S. Anti-Doping Agency says it’s all cool, “the athletes have done nothing wrong”, because they had “therapeutic use” exemptions for these banned substances because of undisclosed medical conditions (those fields are marked “confidential” in the documents).

The second batch of leaked data exposes 25 more athletes (10 from the United States, five each from Germany and Britain, and one each from the Czech Republic, Denmark, Poland, Romania, and Russia), 14 of whom were medal winners at the Rio Olympics, who tested positive for banned substances.

Here’s the thing. The substances are banned for a reason: they give athletes a competitive edge over those who do not take them. It’s really that simple. Either no competitors should use them, or everyone should be allowed to use them. But Americans (and others) seem to think, “I have a pre-existing condition, therefore I am entitled to take a substance that will make me more likely to outperform those athletes who do not have a pre-existing condition.” It’s absurd. Not to mention the lack of transparency: how many of these ‘exemptions’ are even legitimate? How many are backdated simply to cover up for getting caught? How much money changes hands to ensure that some athletes get exemptions while others do not? Important questions, but irrelevant to the bigger picture: that the Americans are hypocritical, ‘exceptional’ (or should that be ‘exemptional’?), self-entitled cheats, just like their leaders.

In the interests of fairness, perhaps someone should create a new kind of “special Olympics” for athletes with “pre-existing conditions” (real or imagined) necessitating that they take banned performance-enhancing drugs. Oh wait, we already have that – it’s called the Olympics. What we really need is a new kind of “genuine Olympics” where clean athletes compete, and doped up ones don’t.