Satire: Trump’s Unprecedented Move Helped ‘Energize’ the G-20 Meeting

By Ariadna Theokopoulos

President Trump stepped out of the G-20 meeting  for a while (these sessions can be very tiring) and to everyone’s surprise he sent Ivanka to sit in his place, next to Merkel and the Chinese premier.

This is unprecedented, since in such circumstances the substitute is usually a high-ranking official, not the presidential offspring, playing the role of “special advisor.” Nevertheless, this was just the beginning.

Emboldened by Trump’s action, Putin stepped out next and sent in his black Labrador retriever. The Lab got a warm and friendly (albeit surprised) reception from all except for Angela Merkel, whose fear of dogs is said to date back to when he she was a STASI agent in East Germany and was bitten by a dog during field training. She has also never forgiven Putin for scaring her a few years ago by bringing Konni into a one-one meeting.

Cynologists at both the Brookings Institution as well as the Enterprise Institute claim that the Lab who participated in the G-20 meeting is not Konni (long retired at a dacha in Crimea), but rather his grandson, Smersh.

Any objective observer had to conclude that the originality and sophisticated level of the discussions were notably increased by the presence of the two substitutes. The Lab in particular made some incredibly astute, albeit brief comments in Russian, which the translator conveyed in English. Only a cat lover could have failed to admit the dog’s brilliance and superiority of intellect compared to Ivanka and other participants.

This opens up a new era in international diplomacy. President Putin has more than enough on his plate and by now he knows pretty much in advance what each leader is most likely to say in such meetings. He should spare himself and make use of Smersh as often as possible.

Similarly, Trump could reserve his time to more robust twitting by sending Ivanka or his son in his place. Jared The Kushner, of course, should go along as script supervisor. Macron of France could send in his septuagenarian wife, and leaders who have pets well versed in international affairs could send them in. Only Merkel is indispensable.

The American MSM could complement their in-depth analysis of Ivanka’s sartorial accomplishments–

http://footwearnews.com/2017/fashion/celebrity-style/ivanka-trump-g20-fashion-jumpsuit-red-dress-jared-kushner-390277/

…with a well-researched biography and credentials of Smersh, e.g.,:

Early Youth–

https://sp.yimg.com/ib/th?id=OIP.D_m3_ZX9InL4OzQYAWQRmQEZEs&pid=15.1&rs=1&c=1&qlt=95&w=100&h=107

Special Services Training–

https://sp.yimg.com/ib/th?id=OIP.ySjBec7K4CdV43McTGiEEwEjDW&pid=15.1&rs=1&c=1&qlt=95&w=163&h=121

To me this is a breath of fresh only made possible by Trump’s once again thinking outside the box.

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